Separation and divorce
When you feel you need help with your separation process – then it is the right time to get help. Counselling can guide you through every stage of the separation.
Breaking up is almost always stressful. Even if you initiated the separation. The relief on one side comes with worries, fears, doubts, or guilt on the other. If you didn’t want the divorce you feel like a victim, you lose self-esteem, and there might be shock, anger, hate, or hopelessness.
It is good if you have support from others like family and friends. Often though the support doesn’t go deep enough. Sometimes support of family and friends can be irritating if they don’t support you unconditionally.
It feels like a disaster, for some it feels like the end of life, but it is inevitably also a new beginning. It’s hard to see though. But life goes on. Don’t hold on to your past. Take care of yourself for your own future. You are leaving which was not supposed to last. Out of your pain your new life is being born.
A separation can have a significant effect on the lives of your children. Keep them out of any conflicts and support them as loving parents which you are both. It is a traumatic experience for most of the children.
Counselling before you go ahead with the divorce is a very wise step to potentially elevate the whole process to a level of mutual understanding, respect, and support. No harm and no hate. No waste of precious life energies. You both are humans often at the mercy of your emotions. Once harm is done it is harder to fix.
The pain, worries, and embarrassing feelings, and probably guilt and shame may last for a while. That is part of the process. Respecting life as it is and letting go will reduce your suffering significantly.
Happiness in your future can be found after you have made peace with your past and ideally practiced forgiveness.
For those who see a chance to come together again …
After separation, a few couples see an option to find a way back into the relationship. If the decision is based on a loving feeling and on implemented changes then it appears to be worth a new start. But ask yourself, – are the changes true changes and what hasn’t changed and is still the same and contributed to the separation in the first place?
Seeking professional help will provide crucial support in all the difficult phases you are going through. For now and for many years to come in your life.